As much as my family, friends, and several recruiters from the United States Navy want me to major in computer science, I still can’t bring myself to do it. Computers isn’t something I’d like to be my career; the best jobs I’ll get are as a sysadmin for Macrohard Winblow$, or maybe a programmer at a shitty start-up social media service if I’m lucky.

With that out of the way, here’s all my crap.

Programs & code

My primary, go-to languages are ANSI C and Perl—typical UNIX fare, I know. Ones I know decently otherwise are Java, FORTRAN and assembly. (Bizarrely enough, I learned assembly on a PDP-11/70 emulator.) As for anything else: I can generally pick up on the basics of a given language in a short amount of time, though not exactly proficiently; I’m a jack of all trades and master of maybe like half of one.

If you want to see some other programming contributions, check me out on GitLab.


class for composing essays in proper MLA format. Supports images, tables, automatic citations, running headers and most anything else you’d want.


My magnum opus: a program which prints out an ASCII penis (8===D) of arbitrary length, even in colour.

Seth’s Server-Side Preprocessor

I write the HTML and CSS for this website completely from scratch. The headers, OpenGraph info, metadata and so-on are all generated by a custom CGI script for this website called “Seth’s Server-Side Preprocessor”, or “S3P” for short. The body HTML (as well as some basic metadata) is stored in a .s3p file, and upon being requested is run through the script before being piped back to the client. It’s about four times faster than PHP, at least in my usage case.

I won’t divulge too much as I’m not particularly confident in my ability to program web applications securely, so I think keeping the S3P stuff closed-source will help me to some extent.

Various Bukkit/Spigot resources

I quite enjoy Minecraft, and even run my own server. I’ve created a few resources for Bukkit and Spigot, programs which run servers capable of running plugins. Things I’ve released publicly are listed below.


Adds >greentext to a Bukkit/Spigot Minecraft server. Supports permissions, custom exceptions and global and local enable/disable.

Spigot Update Checker

Checks for updates to a Spigot plugin. Can be included as part of a plugin to avoid re-inventing the wheel.

Other miscellany